I’ve got a theory about LG. I think they want to be the next Samsung. Their UX is bloated, and its girth is always increasing — just like TouchWiz. They have devices in just about every category and size, which is Samsung’s game. Now they’re making terrible, creepy commercials, too.

Not long ago, Samsung made a commercial for the Galaxy Gear, wherein a guy we believe to be a kidnapper/stalker/all-around-creep happened to pop up everywhere this girl went. His Gear became “useful” in every situation, even though he was always alone and the girl should have ran away screaming from that guy — but we digress. The point is, that commercial was terrible and weird and creepy.

LG’s new commercial for the G Flex is also strange. Some guy is given a G Flex for his birthday, and instead of it being an actual phone, his had gets a mouth with a goatee and an ear (which are in the wrong spots, because the mouth should be at the top with the ear below). It talks to him, cuts him (self healing back on the G Flex, you know), and is just overall kinda weird. You can find it below, though we don’t blame you for averting your eyes.

We get that LG wants us to know about the G Flex curve being like “part of you” when you hold it, but this is just gross. It gets our attention, but not in a good way. Aside form being in a Mexican restaurant that looks like some terrible casino diner the AC and SlashGear team would sit at and console me after I lost all my cash at a craps table in the Bellagio during CES this year (snake eyes!), the phone turning into a hand is just weird. Also, him making out with it at the end just leads to more creepy thoughts I’m not ready for.

I have a G Flex sitting on my desk, and now I’m afraid to touch it. Is this what you wanted, LG? Did you want me to be scared of your phone? If so, mission accomplished.